I do worry sometimes that in my proclamation of my new found self-love, I’ve made it look easy.
That I’ve made it look effortless.
That I woke up like this.
That I ain’t worried ‘bout nothing.
Don’t you believe that for a second please. Because you can’t really instagram self-loathing. There’s no filter for that. So I need you to know that this journey of self-appreciation will sometimes be arduous.
It will sometimes feel impossible.
It will sometimes feel unnecessary.
That happens to me quite often. I suddenly spiral down a few hours, days, weeks even, of loathing myself, of feeling worthless again.
It’s not just about my body.
not just about a dress I can’t fit in.
not just about that extra donut I had at work.
It’s a kind of poisonous feeling of worthlessness that seeps in my whole day and suddenly nothing feels right anymore. That used to take me down for days. Certainly, I had mastered the façade of calculated indifference. Like I got this, all is well.
Haven’t you done that too?
Haven’t we all?
But now that I am aware of the gift that I’ve been given with this body, I am vigilant in those moments, and I listen to my body. I listen to the negative thoughts, I accept them, I welcome them like old friends, and I listen. What are you trying to teach me? What am I not paying attention to? And those are the times when I saturate myself with compassion and understanding. It is in those moments that I repeat to myself:
“Dear body, it is me who is forgetting that you are divine. It is me who is forgetting that you are powerful. It is me who is forgetting that you are resilient. You have done nothing wrong but be the best and do the best you can with what you have, with what I give you. It is me who is forgetting your awesomeness. There is nothing else you need to do.
No extra pound to lose,
No yoga pose to master
No extra squat to do
Right this very minute, exactly as you are, you are enough. You are more than enough. You are so much. You are everything. Dear body, you the real MVP.”
For those moments when you just can’t stand yourself, I need you to remember that it’s okay to feel like the journey is impossible. Be kind and patient with yourself. Write a love letter to you and post it somewhere visible, or send it to us so we can post it. You can always come back here so we can remind you of your awesomeness. Because you’re full of it. Awesomeness that is 🙂
Isabelle Masado writes about body compassion on her blog "The Dear Body Project". She knows all too well that the personal is the political, is the community. As such, there is no discussing body compassion without talking about the assault on black bodies, trans women, and people with disabilities. Her mantra is, "How can I live in a way that makes room for you too"? She writes to examine, to heal, to redeem.